MAKE A MISTAKE. LEARN. REPEAT.
”Have you ever laid on your bed at night, and just cried? Cried because you’re ugly. Because you’re not good enough. You counted all your flaws from head to toe, to punish and feel worse about yourself. You don’t want to be a burden, so you bottled it all up. Around people, you’re the happiest ray of sun shine. But nobody knows, that at night when you’re alone, you break down and just cry.”
Okay, all bad and stuff… but have you ever stayed awake for over 3 days because you can’t sleep, you can’t cry and you can’t feel? You want to die, you want to hurt yourself but you can’t pinpoint a reason. That’s the worse thing of all, not knowing why its so bad, but it is. Maybe if you could identify the problem it would be so much easier, but no.. you just question your own existence, ‘whats the point?’ You hurt yourself and you do stupid things just not because you think you deserve it, no, you fucking enjoy it. If you find yourself unattractive, its not the end of the world, bullying makes things worse obviously but you didn’t choose the way you look, half the time people act like they had to choose an ugly body from a fucking selection or something. Ugliness on the inside is a lot worse in my opinion, not seeing life or the world in a brighter light even if you have everything you could ever want. Wondering why you can’t just be happy for longer than a day.
You learn to deal with your own and other people’s judgement. That doesn’t even hurt anymore. What hurts is the confusion. Why do we still want to die when we have all we need?
I was caught by your words, how could you say you love me if you’re committed with someone else? How could you say you don’t wanna see me hurting? When infact, you don’t even think I’m hurting.. :(
At the end of the day, I still love you. And will always be..
oh so adorable…
gusto taka maangkon subong:’(